today i am dynamite on a short fusei suppose a re-cap of my life, i need to get some things out without so many similes & metaphors so it might make sense even to me. but thats rare & i know i fall back into old habits easily. which i suppose is the jist of this ( Read more... )

i haven't been able to comment recently, my mind a swirling. & i don't know why. i am spurred on, i am running without shoes on, sharp stones blister & bleed my feet, faster the chase of who knows what (which reminds me, i'm walking on hot ashes to raise money for st johns when i get back to hastings).

remember; the person you love & the person ( Read more... )

i'm having oposing thoughts of beautiful, i need to feel, i really do ( Read more... )

edit: fuck ( Read more... )

i do not want to go to stoke tomorrow. nothing in me is looking for it. everything is saying just fuck it. but i will not give up on this year of uni just yet. i have fought for too much to let this go to shit. although i have no home in stoke, so couch surfing & camping in the park i suppose it will be ( Read more... )

exboy sent me the parcel, i texted him to thank him, as i am always trying to please everybody, too nice, we know its my downfall. i've been left shaking at revelations, he asks me not to be in contact with him, because i make him sad, i say i'll comply if he tells me why i make him sad,

because i miss you, & i regret everything, but thats silly ( Read more... )

I'm feeling not right in my own head today & last night i spent an hour screaming at the mirror demanding me to tell me who me was. I don't recognise the girl that looks back at me, & I'm really growing to hate & dislike mirrors & I'm trying to avoid them. I'm looking at my body & thinking how hideous do i look? I feel very grotesque, & i keep ( Read more... )

My mother has had so many names for me over the past, all in such sweet forms yet almost always perfectly describing who I am... witchbaby, angryface, oh i always used to be such an angryface, ready to fight the world, how dare you say that to me? i'll shoot you down & I was so nasty to people I first met without them even saying a word to me, gun ( Read more... )

I'm struggling to remember so much ( Read more... )

I cried down the phone to Mitch for an hour last night. About what I do not know, I don't remember saying much, or thinking much, or even feeling. I just, had to do it I guess. I don't know what came out of it, I didn't wake feeling any better, I didn't sleep more soundly ( Read more... )